Domestic violence has been one of the biggest taboos of American society. Although it is often associated with marriages, some of the most prevalent situations involve younger couples.
Christy Cardinal, the director of the Prevention Education Program with HAVEN in Oakland County, said there needs to be a greater focus placed upon educating people that domestic violence is unacceptable, regardless of circumstance.
In 2002, the Bureau of Justice stated that one in three teenage girls will experience some form of abuse while dating, and a survey of 500 young women, ages 15 to 24, found that 60 percent were currently involved in an ongoing abusive relationship.
“The most common age range for victimization, either dating violence or sexual assault, is age 16 to 24,” Cardinal said.
HAVEN is one of many local agencies that offers help for people dealing with domestic violence.
“The perspective we come with is that we try to focus on primary prevention and that victims and potential victims are always doing what they have to do to survive,” Cardinal said.
The common refrain made by those who view domestic violence from the outside is, “Why doesn’t she just leave?” It’s often not that simple.
“The question is never ‘Why don’t you leave?’” Cardinal said. “The flipside is asking someone if they ever had a job they hated? The same goes for women who are being victimized.
"Ultimately, they also love them. The question that should be asked is “Why does he hurt her?”
On Feb. 8, celebrities Chris Brown and Rihanna got into an altercation following a pre-Grammy party in Los Angeles.
While what occurred isn’t completely clear, the end result was Brown turning himself in to police, and subsequent accusations of physical battery against an “unknown woman” later identified as Rihanna.
In the immediate aftermath of the incident, numerous people have come to his defense.
Some people have insisted that perhaps Rihanna provoked Brown. Even screenwriter Tyler Perry asserted that since Brown is “just a 19-year-old baby” he cannot be expected to know how to handle a situation such as this.
While Brown himself has yet to actually deny any wrongdoing, his supporters have not helped the situation very much.
“We hear a lot of excuses, like ‘she pushed my buttons’ or ‘that’s how I grew up and that’s how you’re supposed to do things’, or ‘I was drunk,’” Cardinal said. “All of those things are excuses.
“If someone says ‘I was drunk and that’s why I beat her up’, then how drunk would you have to be to do something else that you would find reprehensible, like having sex with your grandmother?”
Cardinal sees the excuses of Brown and others as a commentary on society’s value system.
“We’ve normalized violence in our culture,” she said. “We’ve allowed kids to think that violence is a normal part of life. It is seen as an acceptable means of resolving conflict, and that’s why people try to say that Rihanna pushed him to it.
“Regardless of whether we think Rihanna pushed him to it, it doesn’t matter. He made a choice to be violent.”
Often one of the biggest problems, Cardinal said, comes when people who know of or witness their friends or family member being battered but often refrain from helping because they feel it’s not their business, or they simply don’t know what to do.
While there are many lessons to be learned from this entire situation, Cardinal warns that we must not lose sight that not all men are prone to violence.
“The overwhelming majority of men and boys are not violent,” she said. “They don’t harm their partners.”
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